Ocean's Eleven ("o11") is the tale of a smooth criminal plotting an impossible heist, to win back the ex-ball-and-chain (and make a few bucks). o11 doesn't have much substance, but it has tons of style; VS has little of either. Ocean's Eleven Vanilla Sky ("VS") is the story of a man who has it all, until his hot-but-psycho not-quite-a-girlfriend drives them off a bridge, scarring his face and his poor tender psyche. o11 is Steven Soderbergh's stylish remake of the Rat Pack flick of the same name, without the misogyny and rampant alcoholism. While normally I'm a sucker for misogyny and rampant alcoholism, I think the eyes have it on this one. Abre Los Ojos VS is Cameron Crowe's take on the acclaimed Spanish film, Abre Los Ojos (translation: "The Bear Is Tasty"). George Clooney plays yet another greasy ex-con going back to the glamorous life of crime; Clooney might be getting typecast but at least it's not Batman again. Cruise's face prosthesis is up for Best Supporting Actor, because his acting improves ten-fold while he's wearing it. Ocean's Eleven Tom Cruise is one of the highest-paid stars in Hollywood (thanks to The Tooth). Maybe he deserved $40 mil for Cocktail, but certainly not for this uninspired piece o' crap. Andy Garcia trying hard to be all Al Pacino, but comes across greasy and bland like a scoop of Crisco. Did I mention Cameron Diaz is hot? and psycho? Vanilla Sky VS has no real villain, but Cameron Diaz is the psycho (and hot) girlfriend who gets the ball rolling on the highway to Hell. Julia Roberts... why do people think she's hot? She looks like a horse with boobs. She's especially unattractive in this one, even for her. What the hell, we'll give this one to Cameron Diaz too. Vanilla Sky Penelope Cruz. She's cute, and oh that accent, but if I were Tom, I'd have kept Nicole. Then again, I'd be gay so I suppose I wouldn't care so much. Brad Pitt as the slick yet somehow goofy card-sharp sidekick. More proof that Brad Pitt is better as a supporting actor than as a leading man. Plus he sports some bomb-ass shirts. Ocean's Eleven Jason Lee plays the same loud, luckless sidekick role as in Mallrats, except here he's not funny and far more hairy. David Holmes (et al.) lays down some mean grooves that drive the film, a bitchin' soundtrack in the true sense of the word. The choice seems clear. But, o11 loses points because the CD has dialog over the music; plus, VS gets bonus points for Radiohead. push Cameron Crowe's usual: a decent but unremarkable mix of baby boomer and gen-x hits, more compilation than soundtrack. Portable EMP bomb? maybe. Made of glow-sticks and Mountain Dew? perhaps. But don't expect your fancy power and security grids to come back on line without a total overhaul first. No one wins when logic gets its ass kicked like this. How can you make a movie featuring cryogenics, without a guest appearance by unfrozen Walt Disney? Clooney gets the girl, the robbers get the money... or do they?... I don't want to spoil the surprise. If VS is your idea of an intellectual mind-bender, this ought to keep you entertained for hours. Ocean's Eleven Mindfuck? my ass. This ain't no Jacob's Ladder or 12 Monkeys; it's barely a Total Recall.